i dont know how to say....
dunno when why and how i ended in this position
but one thing must have been true all along, that it dosent matter in the end.

no matter what i do.. no matter how far i push.

i need to start understanding, if there is no good reason for liking someone.
then there probably isnt any reason for to dislike someone too.
so there's really nth i should have done to turn it round.
all its gonna do is to disgust her.

now i feel like a lost puppy.
fallen out of a love i've built too much faith on.
waiting for a certificate which is taking forever to come
nowhere here nor there. no one plays bball these days either.
i tried to spend time by getting into the dota business but i get thrown out of it almost the moment i step into it.

probably gaming isnt really for me. i kill the enemy and i dont feel happy.
i eyes didnt even twitch when i get killed either.
and when the game ends, all i get is a bad eye ache and a tiny sense of lost of time.

the future doesnt seem bright at all.
i'm afraid i might lose myself..