it turns out that. . . i cant really get angry with you.
i tried but i cant.
all i feel is guilt.
guilty of getting you affected. all because of me.
and even as you felt digusted or irritated, BY ME. you still treat me very nicely.
tolerate and tolerate my nonsense.
so if i dont give up on you, if i dont let go, i'm not a man.
lol...
man.. you should have told me earlier.
tell me straight in the face or sth..
tsk.
whatever.. its still my fault.



up and tired to make an attempt to vent but i just feel so weak whenever i wanna say what i feel.
cos from where you seat and look at this, you're probably gonna intepret it 110% different.
so i never wanted to be irritating, "talking abt you almost all the time"
i just happen to think of you all the time okay. no when or how or why or what.
IT HAPPENS. and its not like i want it to.
all i know is i feel alive, i feel hope and build on a faith,
a faith that says maybe one day, maybe one fine day you might take a liking for me.
but it never happens.

right now, i keep giving this gloomy face i'm so afraid it will be stuck like that.
you dont even realised what you did.
COS it dont matter what i do in the day or how many times i try to erase you off my thoughts at night, in the morning, I WILL ALWAYS GET THAT FUCKING TEAR IN MY MIND AND I WOULD BE THINKING OF YOU. GOD DAMN IT.

it doesnt matter who i go out with, whenever i see a familiar thing, memories comes back to me.
i hear a piano and i rmb wanting to learn it to play it with you.
i saw fish and co. and jurong point and i rmb going to that restaurant at orchard with you.
i feel my some itch in my nose and i rmb you always complain that.
everything just reminds me of you. . .

what do you expect me to do? when everyday in the past, i live the day by thinking how to get to know you better. how to make you happier,
suddenly, i have nth to do. i feel so lost.
the most obvious example is the JCs.
studied hard to get into the same JC as you.
so i tot i will choose whatever you choose.
but now. i dont even care which one i go to. i have no interest in appeal either. i dont even know what course i wanna take.
when i go to facebook or twitter, its to see your most recent update. now i've nth to do when i switch on the com so i succumb to games which i dont like. god damn.

you'll never understand anw.

ahh whatever. i need to sleep



真心是笑话，勇气是废话，坚持是鬼话，忠诚是梦话，幸福.. 根本就是屁话。



i dont know how to say....
dunno when why and how i ended in this position
but one thing must have been true all along, that it dosent matter in the end.

no matter what i do.. no matter how far i push.

i need to start understanding, if there is no good reason for liking someone.
then there probably isnt any reason for to dislike someone too.
so there's really nth i should have done to turn it round.
all its gonna do is to disgust her.

now i feel like a lost puppy.
fallen out of a love i've built too much faith on.
waiting for a certificate which is taking forever to come
nowhere here nor there. no one plays bball these days either.
i tried to spend time by getting into the dota business but i get thrown out of it almost the moment i step into it.

probably gaming isnt really for me. i kill the enemy and i dont feel happy.
i eyes didnt even twitch when i get killed either.
and when the game ends, all i get is a bad eye ache and a tiny sense of lost of time.

the future doesnt seem bright at all.
i'm afraid i might lose myself..